noveldevice posted this and I just had to share it with my friends too. I really needed a good laugh.

We had video dating. This is the most wrong thing we've seen in a long time. So sayeth hollyqueen.

Yesterday jw1776 took me to my first Sounders FC game. I had a great time. Although when I, who doesn't know much about soccer, can recognize crappy calls you know that the officials screwed up. Marching to the field with the band brought back a lot of memories from my marching band days.

I made a comment about Andy Griffith's stand-up routine about football. Did you know he did stand up? Pretty funny stuff. So here's his bit about football animated by George Woodbridge, an artist for Mad Magazine. Enjoy!

I found this list on a site dedicated to the 213 Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army. I wonder if Miss Sabatka ever thought about creating such a list for me when I took her chemistry classes in high school…

1. Chemical burns are not badges of honor.
2. Yes, as a matter of fact, my dry ice privileges can be revoked.
3. Should not refer to teaching a freshman course as “destruct testing the lab.”
4. “Design and build a still” is not an acceptable extra-credit assignment.
5. Telling students that harmless chemicals are poisonous is an inappropriate way to encourage lab safety habits.
6. Telling students that poisonous chemicals are harmless is an inappropriate way to avoid grading their lab reports.
7. Cannot reheat my lunch using a furnace, Bunsen burner or laser.
8. No one in the lab is named Igor, so I had better stop talking to him.
9. Movie star sunglasses are not an acceptable replacement for safety goggles.
10. Not allowed to add food coloring and dry ice to my experiments, to make them green and bubbly. Unless the Dean is visiting.
11. I may not wear such a short skirt that it looks like I am going commando under my lab coat. Unless the Dean is visiting.
12. It’s okay to invent technobabble to impress the Dean. It’s not okay to use technobabble from Star Trek.
13. I had better have a good reason for saying any of the following: “Eureka!”, “Uh Oh!” or “Where’s the fire extinguisher?”
14. There is no good reason for maniacal laughter.
15. I am allowed to dress as a mad scientist on Halloween. Not when potential donors are touring the labs.
16. Excessive radiation exposure will not turn me into a superhero. It will turn me into a corpse.
17. Monty Python references have no place in my lab notebook.
18. I am not a “lolscientist” and thus have no excuse for being “in ur suply clozet, stealin ur glaswar.”
19. Cannot use unnecessary Radiation signs to keep students out of my lab and away from delicate equipment.
20. Cannot tell students that real Radiation signs are just there to keep people out.
21. Cannot place Biohazard signs in the restroom or the break room fridge.
22. It is my fault that the biochemists didn’t get the joke and started storing biological samples in the break room fridge. I now owe the department a new fridge.
23. My warning sign privileges have been revoked.

I wonder if I can get this new radio station around here...

I met him in a pub one night
In a crowd of Well-to-do's
He had a claudagh (sp?)on each finger
And a shamrock on each shoe.
And when he said Top o' the Mornin'
My heart was filled with dread.
Well he said his name was Danny Boy
So I shot him in the head.

Raise up a cheer and lift your pints
and hold them way up high.
And sing a song of tragedy beneath the irish sky.
From the glen the pipes are calling,
But he never will reply.
For I buried Danny Boy beneath
the fields of Athenry.

Tu-ra-lu
Tu-ra-lu
Tu-ra-lay
Tu-ra-Lay
I thought I might drop him in Gallway Bay.
Tu-ra-lu
Tu-ra-lu
Tu-ra-lye
Tu-ra-Lye
Well I buried Danny Boy beneath
the fields of Athenry.

Well the guarda, they fell upon me
And they took away my gun.
And a hush fell o'er the crowd
When they saw what I had done.
Said the guardah, "God forgive me,
For I'm sure in hell to burn."
Then he shot poor Danny once again
To make sure he won't return.

Chorus

Well, some call me a hero
And some call me a fiend.
But they still sing his sad ol' song
While drinking beer dyed toxic green.
But my sentence, it was commuted.
It seems I'm off scott free.
Well, I think I'll have another pint
And wait for Michael Flatly.

Chorus

Copyrighted 1998 Shay Vino
The Clare Voyants

The birds are telling me that... You need to watch Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog. But don't do it while eating lunch. I almost had sandwich come out my nose. Ew.

Do I have The Knack?

push for blow job
Originally uploaded by hollyking

While waking from parking to the Winter Beer Fest, shadowmatt and I came across this sign when we were about to cross the street. With a bit of curiosity I pushed the button. The light changed but we didn't get what the sign promised...

Oh, and I guess it might be snowing out there... This picture was taken before the beer was flowing or the snow was falling.

Judy, a professional genealogical researcher, discovered that a candidate's great-great uncle, Remus Rodcain, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture is this inscription: "Remus Rodcain; horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889."

Judy e-mailed the candidate for comments.

The candidate's staff of professional image adjusters cropped Remus' picture, scanned it, enlarged the image, and edited it with image processing software so that all that's seen is a head shot. The accompanying biographical sketch is as follows:

Remus Rodcain was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.

I was reading a few Diabetes blogs when I came across the following joke:

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?